Divorce Diaries: How They Can Help You

Divorce is a painful process and one that can be long and drawn out, sometimes lasting years before a final resolution.  If you are going through a separation or divorce, you probably have a close friend, family member or possibly a therapist you discuss the details with. But have you thought about talking it through with yourself?

Keeping a diary is now increasingly being recommended by therapists and self-help books as a useful tool to help deal with problems in your life, such as stress, depression or anxiety, all of which feature during most divorces at some stage.

There is scientific evidence to support this. Writing allows access to the left side of your brain, which is the analytical and rational side. Meanwhile, the right side of the brain is free to be creative. Put simply, writing down feelings can remove mental blocks, separate head from heart, and allow mental clarity.

If you are going through a separation or divorce, then keeping a diary is something worth considering.  A diary will also be of real help in giving accurate dates and information to your divorce lawyer.

Diaries give clarity before talking to a divorce solicitor

If you've yet to start the divorce process but it's something you are seriously considering, a diary can help you identify the reasons behind your thought process. It can also be helpful to have dates and details, either for financial matters, those relating to children or behaviour.

The laws on divorce vary from country to country, so make sure you seek advice before taking the step of telling your partner if possible. If you’re in London, look for a divorce solicitor in London. Your London divorce solicitor will be able to use your diary to identify the reasons the relationship has broken down as well as providing key dates which may later be used as evidence. If you're outside of London, seek out a divorce solicitor near you.

Diaries can remind you that this is only the start

While deciding on a divorce may seem to be the end, it’s important to remind yourself that actually it’s a beginning.  If it’s been a long time coming, then it’s doubtful that you’ve felt like yourself or had a decent quality of life for several years. Perhaps you’ve been suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, stress headaches or one of the many other stress reactions the body has in such unhappy situations.  The legal process can also be stressful, but it is a process your family law solicitor can guide and support you through.  

This is your chance at a fresh start, and a diary can allow you to chart your progress. If you feel like you are having a bad day, just look back and see how far you have come in establishing your new life. If you are wondering if you’re making the right decision, read back for a while to regain clarity in your choices.

A divorce diary can help your family law solicitor

If your divorce goes to court, then it will be in your interest to have a timeline of key events and details in chronological order. Your divorce solicitor will want a clear reconstruction of what has led to your separation and any financial changes.  If something happens, or if you are going through a particularly acrimonious divorce, then keeping a record of all new events and incidents will be even more important.

Do, however, make sure that your former partner can not read your diary. Maintain it within a resource that makes it available when you need it but also keeps it protected from those whom you do not want to see it. 

A public diary offers solace for others

When you are saying goodbye to the person who was your main companion in life, it is all often easy to feel isolated and alone. Knowing that others have been through, or are going through, the same experience can be invaluable. Many websites and papers now accept stories from those who have been through a divorce, like this heart-rending one from Penny Brookes.

Launched earlier this year, a new website from divorce lawyers in London contains stories from their former clients who have gone through divorces with them. The website, Divorce Diaries, is a new initiative to support others going through the same experiences, and each one is carefully tagged so people can find the one relevant to their own situation. Whether you are fighting for shared care of your children, or a couple attempting an amicable split, or a woman escaping an abusive marriage, someone will have been in a similar situation already.

Clayton Miller is a founding member partner of KMJ Solicitors, a highly sought-after family law firm in London. Legal 500 describes Clayton as being especially able to “assimilate and master the details of complex financial cases and keep on top of them”. Clayton is dual-qualified in both Australia and the UK and is a member of the dual-qualified Family Lawyers and International Bar Association. He has over fifteen years of experience as a family law specialist, including divorce and separation as well as offshore trusts, prenuptial agreements and cohabitation law.